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Two Years

I made it through the day.
But thoughts of her never left my mind.

Danae Talluto
February 28, 1993 - January 23, 2007

I still miss you baby :'(

6:12 p.m

-----> today.  I got another one.

twenty-three-and-a-half-months after she was killed.

I still get these emails.

I just got this one three less than three weeks ago.

It's a reason to jump up and down and celebrate really .. and I want to just scream and tell everybody, "isn't it awesome that she has this impact on people?!?"

But first I cry.  Every time.  Every time I open my inbox and I see that someone has sent me an email about Danae.  It's so ... unexpected.  It's like someone has punched me in the stomach and I literally want to throw up at first.  Oh no, not about the comment, no of course not.  But that, she's gone, and it hits me, like all at once like that.  And I just sob, all over again.  It was so stupid, so unnecessary, so not right.

But then, I cry out to God [again] and instead of it taking me months to sort out in my mind, this time it all falls into place in a matter of minutes, no matter how long the minutes may seem.  Why it happened.  Why it needed to be like this .....................................

To: Pam Talluto
From: Tori
Date: January 4, 2009 6:12 p.m.
Subject: One Year

A new comment from “Tori” was received on the post “One Year” of the weblog “Things About Danae”.
Comment:
Hello, my name is Tori. I'm not sure if you still check up on this site, but I just wanted to tell you how this website has helped me with Danae. The summer before she passed, she was at my house nearly every day with mine and my brothers friends. I really grew to love this girl, she made such a huge impact on my life, and theres no way for me to repay her. She got me closer to God then I could have ever imagined, both in life and death. I still find it hard and heart breaking to think about her, I sit here crying the hardest I have in a long time. I can't even describe it. Do you remember the last thing you said to her in person? I remember screaming "Sorry Nae! I love you" down the hall by the band hall, we were laughing about her part in practice in our theatre arts class. Trying to write about her is so difficult, but you've made this unbelievable website in her memory. It's scary to think thats its been almost two years, part of me still thinks I'm going to see her at school tomorrow. I remember the memorial at Cross Timers very well, to that I am extremely suprised, that day I had been getting my first knee surgery. I was almost not able to attend the memorial, my parents didn't think it would be possible due to my need for sleep and rest. The deal they made was, if you sleep for a few hours and are able to wake up before it, you can go. Determination was the only think I could feel. The promise I made myself remember was Danae promising to come see me after school that day, to check up on me. I'd see her that day, I needed to tell her I love one more time. "Sorry for your losses of both Danae and Beth" do not cover what I would like to say. It's not even close to the strength needed. I hope everyone is okay, I will continue to pray for each and every person affected by these tragities. Just knowing that Danae is watching over everyone she loves makes life better, doesn't it?

....................

To:  Tori
From:  Pam Talluto
Date:  January 4, 2009 9:23 p.m.
Subject:  Danae

Hi Tori .... thank you so much for writing me.  Yes, I know about every single response I get to Danae's website and I respond to every single one.    Every letter and email I get is so precious to me.  I think that is because of two reasons.

First, it helps me to know Danae a little bit better.  In the last few years of her life, she lived in Texas of course (and I live in Michigan).  So I didn't get to see her as much as I would've liked.  But by her friends and acquaintances writing me and telling me stories and little bits and pieces of her life, it helps me know more about her that otherwise I wouldn't have seen.

Second, it amazes me that these many months later (23.5 at this point), Danae's life (and death) is still having such an impact on people.  Like you. Even though people who knew her miss her so much, she just changed their life so much that they just have to write me and tell me about it.  It's amazing and so incredible.  And I love hearing about it!  I love how she made people think about God.  How people are closer to God because of her.  And that was God using her, you know?  So cool.

Almost two years.  I still cry too.  Whenever I hear "How to Save a Life" which was the song playing on the video of her life at the funeral home.  Whenever I first get a letter (like yours) that reminds me again that she's gone.  But then I read it, and re-read it again, and I remember.  This beautiful girl has changed the lives of so many people.  Not only through her life ... but through her death.  This was God's plan for her.  And many people might not understand this: But that makes me happy.  And I KNOW she is happy now!!!!

I got to see Danae's sister Cindi, and her brothers Joe and Marco on Christmas this year.  Cindi and Joe are still in Texas and doing very good, they are living with their step-dad.  Marco moved to Florida, he is living with his dad.  He was the one driving the car, remember?  He's doing very well, he will graduate from high school this year, and is getting a scholarship for college!  I'm attaching a picture which is very precious to me.  I took it on Christmas Day, it's a picture all all the cousins (except for Danae).  Marc and Sara are my two kids :)

Tori, if you go to my blog at http://pamtalluto.typepad.com/ and scroll down to December 20, you'll see another story about a girl named Candace who didn't even know Danae ... it's called [connection].   Danae touched so many people, some she didn't even know :)

Thanks again Tori, so much, for writing me!!

Love, Danae's Aunt Pam

[connection]

        it began here      with this email ---------->

Twenty-three months ago, she was killed, and I still get emails about my niece Danae from people I don't know.  From all over the country, even other parts of the world.  But this one ... I don't know, it was different.  I always respond to the emails I get.  And I responded to Candace too.  I thanked her for writing me and told her how mature she seemed.  I also said, "My first thought was that somehow your sweet son, in his innocence, must have been able to sense Danae's presence in heaven ... does that make sense?"   I knew that would sound weird to a lot of people, but somehow, I thought she might understand what I meant.

I was right.  Candace wrote back, "I definitely felt that Christopher was able to sense her presence, but I just didn't want to come out and say it because I wasn't sure how you would react ..."  Cool?!?  Yeah, I think so!

Candace and I emailed several more times and are now friends on Facebook, where I got to see pictures of her and her son Christopher.  Aren't they sweet?!

   
    And so .........................................................

Candace put the video of Christopher watching Danae on YouTube ....

.
.

I can't even describe the how it feels to watch this baby, who I've never met, react as he watches the video, which I myself made, of my niece Danae.  It makes me sad but so so happy at the same time.  There is surely a God-blessed connection between Christopher and Danae.  Danae ,,, who always had a baby in her lap.

Here's the video that Christopher is watching .....

YouTube

YouTube

All published with Candace's permission.  Thanks Candace, for emailing me and for sharing Christopher's story with me!  God Bless you both and Merry Christmas ... Love, Danae's Aunt Pam :)

One Year

.............   I miss you baby    :' (

Danae

Ten more days.  It will be one year.  I can't stop thinking about her.

Yesterday Sara and I were at CVS.  The song that was on the video about her at her funeral came on.  I remember that it was so surreal. Watching that video over and over and seeing those pictures and videos of her so young and full of life and beautiful.  And hearing those words over and over, " And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."  God.

So at CVS, that song came on, like ... out of nowhere.  I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  It's one thing if you PUT in on and you're prepared for it.  But when it just COMES on with no warning ..

                            I had to walk away ............................................................................

... I know I'm not the only one who still thinks about Danae.  I still get comments on her website.  I still get emails from Texas from people I don't even know.  I still get comments on her YouTube video.  Like this one just 10 hours ago:

          Danae babee... almost a year now.
          boy time can fly..BUT NOW YOU CAN.
          you taught me a l ot
          you didnt judge me
          i miss you
          WE ALL miss you
          WE ALL love you.
          see you soon.
          <3333
          im shaking
          xoxxo lashe
          fly as fast as you can...

And I just checked the stats on her website ....

                    Summary

                       Lifetime page views:  4507

                      Average per day:

                 12.93

                      In the past 7 days:

                 42

                     Today since midnight GMT: *

                 3

                                    I miss you Danae <3

   

God Can I Ask You a Question?

             

                -------->  Why?

I have this feeling of coming full circle.  Deja vu, if you will.  On February 23, 2007, I made the above post on Danae's website.  It was the one-month anniversary of her death, and I was thinking about the weekend after she died.  Our pastors at Kensington had been preparing for a message that weekend in the series they were doing, "God Can I Ask You a Question".  That message was called, "Why?"

-------------------------------------> Fast forward to this week.  My sister-in-law,  Danae's mom, was killed two weeks ago. We're in a different series now at Kensington:  My Faves.  Repeats of some of Kensington's best services.

        This weekend's message:  Why?



***************************************************************************************************

And although I still don't know why this is happening. not understanding how Danae's sister and two brothers can possibly deal with losing their sister and their mom so close together ... I have to say this:  I can see God's hand in this.  There is a reason why, and although I don't understand it all, I can see God touching people through these deaths.

Consider these stats:  As of this date, my website about Danae (Things About Danae) has been viewed 3919 times, including 352 times since Beth died  My Celebration of Life video to Danae on YouTube has been viewd 2243 times. It amazes me that Danae's story and her testimony is being told to all these people. 

***************************************************************************************************

I got this email yesterday from a 13-year-old girl, the same age as Danae:

"I was watching your dedication video fro your niece danae.

and i was just bored so i look at all of the things that my youth group puts up that is really inspiring, and then i was just looking up my name to see what came up and my name is danae also and i watched the video and read the link that you had for your dedication.

and i am a christian and i know everyone at my youth group, each week we have anywhere around 200-300 teenagers and newcomers to god, i lead a friend of mine to christ before and even recieved what my calling is from god.

i have realized christ in me and others have realized christ in me also but watching and reading about your niece has really shown me how much more room i have to grow and how much more dedicated to god i can be.

so i want to thank you for putting up this video and the link cause she wanted to change lives and she has definately changed mine forever more.

when ever someone calls me or says my name (danae) i will constantly be reminded about how she changes lives for god and how much she will be remembered and i just wish that when the lord takes me to be with him that i can meet her in person and that i will be loved and missed and remebered as much as you love and miss and remember her.

i will always be the best that i can be because of your niece danae. i am proud to have that name.   danae j."

***************************************************************************************************

Thank you danae j.  And thank you to everyone who has told me or emailed me to tell me how Danae's story has touched them.  It's helping me understand "why?" ... just a little.

Cindi Marie [believes in HOPE]

My niece Cindi turned 18 in June. At the time of her birthday, her 13-year-old sister had been dead five months, killed in an awful car accident. What she didn’t know then, was that three months later, her mom would die in a freakish accident.

At the so-young age of 18, Cindi has endured tragedy that most people don’t experience in a lifetime. But Cindi has HOPE. Here’s what she posted on her MySpace the day after her mom died:

 

 

Cindi, you are amazing. Your strength, your courage and your faith is an inspiration to me and to many others. I am so proud of you Cindi. And I know your mom and sister are too.

 

                            I love you. Aunt Pam.

 

    Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans12:12

ep·i·logue

                                              ------ > A Snapshot of Better Days

Danae Elizabeth Talluto
February 28, 1993 - January 23, 2007

Elizabeth Ann Greutman
June 10, 1967 - September 28, 2007

 

Acts 2:38

Change your life.  Turn to God and be baptized each of you in the name of Jesus Christ so your sins are forgiven.  Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  Acts 2:38 (The Message)

.[ Sara was baptized today ]

-------- > She had been baptized as an infant.  But she's been through so many changes this past year.  In particular, these past six months.  When my niece Danae died, our entire family was devastated including, of course, Sara.  But she put her faith in God like never before and as a result, her life has been changed.  Today was her public proclamation of that change.

The summer baptism at Kensington is done at Stoney Creek Metropark's Baypoint Beach.  Families and friends picnicked and enjoyed fellowship as our band played.  Craig Mayes did the message and walked through the crowd of almost several thousand just as Jesus did 2000 years ago ... and then ... 368 believers were baptized in the lake.

As usual, God's timing is perfect.  Danae's brother Marco (on his last day in Michigan before heading back to Texas) was able to be at Sara's baptism!

................................................................................................................................................

 

Sara,

May you experience the comfort of the Father's love, the friendship of His Son, and the wisdom of His spirit. May your walk with God guide, protect and uplift you always.  Congratulations!

I love you,

Mom